Was getting frustrated in office .... as usual .... and all of a sudden a mail popped on my screen .....
Again I am sorry from deviating from the topic .... But I was thinking, its so stupid ... this statement ... "all of a sudden a mail popped on my screen" ... a stupid lame attempt to add up the excitement ... and I know for sure that the attempt is flushed ..... "all of a sudden" .... Its was just a mail, not a ghost for God's sake .... grow up Bhavik .....
Anyways, now when I have scolded my self .... starting with the main topic of discussion .... I got an over-feminine-biased mail from a friend (who is a girl of course) …. It was containing an article by the MASTER of words saying that as per a survey by I-don’t-know-who, Indian Women are the most stressed out in the world … there are some stats as well ….
Please read the original article first …. It will give some spice to my write up ;)
The ORIGINAL ARTICLE
THE RESPONSE
I Repeat ….. Please read the original article first …. It will give some spice to this write up ;)
I was quite stressed out myself while reading
the mail ...
As soon as I completed reading the article, just
thought ..... its been 2.5 years since I am using Microsoft outlook
software on my office computer, and I cant even count the number of mail I have
received which projects females as the most frustrated, hard-working,
pressurized, simple, loving, caring, mature creatures on this mother earth
..... see ... the very earth we live in is said "Mother earth" ... it
would sound crazy to call the same Father Earth ...
I initiated a comparison, within myself,
between the quantity of such girl-supportive, women-oriented mails with
the quantity of mails which have shown that even men are facing troubles, are
pressurized, are frustrated, are simple, are happy-go-lucky, are honest, are
cheated and even are harassed....
As our school math book says ..... The count
being very close to zero (the later in this case) can be neglected.....
As I said, I was already tired and
frustrated prior reading this mail and after this mail, I was tired of being
frustrated ...... And at that very point of time, the insane better half of my
brain started working and what came out as a by-product was my response,
what I would write if anytime in my life, my write ups are even 10% of what the
Great Writer Mr. Bhagat writes.
So ladies and gentleman ... enjoy yet another
bizarre fantasy on the flow:
Bhavik Sharma’s recent Article in …. Well actually
not published anywhere … the Article is in THIS BLOG: Specially for Indian MEN.
Do Read it and share it with all the men in your life (this sentence means that
share it with all the MEN you know, don’t run your brains in any other
direction)
Alright, this is not cool at all. A recent
survey by Bhavik Sharma (seeing the MEN around him) has revealed that Indian
MEN are the most stressed out in the world: I-don’t-know-how-much %
of our men feel stressed out most of the time. This statistic has not made me
stressed out coz I am already in that I-don’t-know-how-much percentage.
What are we doing with our MEN? I’m biased, but
Indian men are the most intelligent, smart and STUD in the world. As fathers,
brothers, sons, colleagues, husbands and boyfriends – women love them. Can you
imagine life without the MEN?
For now, I want to give Indian men five
suggestions to reduce their stress levels.
- One, don’t ever think you are without power when you are with your girlfriend. Give it back to her. Be who you are, not someone she wished you would be. She doesn't like you? That's her problem.
- Two, if you are doing a good job at work and your boss doesn’t value you - DON’T tell him that. Make him realize the same. Go for tea breaks every hour and that too for 30 minutes, give the estimated time to do a 5 minute job as 2 days, yawn in middle of the meeting, don’t take bath for weeks, don’t brush your teeth for months, come to office at 3:00 PM ... that too drunk ... leave at 6:00 PM ... get some more alcohol .... And then return at 7:00 PM to attend client calls. If the BOSS still doesn’t get it, then tell him and quit. Talented, hard-working people without the above mentioned habits are much in demand.
- Three, educate yourself on the topic of "latest pubs in town" and "night restaurants", learn skills to make your salary account reach Zero by last week of the month and live your life for the last week on loans, network - figure out ways to be economically bankrupt. So next time your wife tells you that you are not a good enough husband, father or son-in-law, you can show your bank statement and let her realize that she still has a good life even when you have nothing.
- Four, do not ever feel stressed about having a dual responsibility of family and work. Accept that you SUCK at both the places. It’s a trick called "self humiliation". Though you might be good in all the areas, but people will always expect more and will make you believe that you are not doing good enough. So project yourself as a loser and you will be given the grade of expert even if you do just fine, and it would eventually result in immense pleasure and satisfaction. And if you can’t follow this "self humiliation" mantra, then believe in one thing, it is okay if you are considered as human excreta by all, but remember, they all know in what all areas you are awesome and all these stupid women will come to you on their knees when they need you, and then you can have that "revenge" time. And at that very moment ... well use your imagination and do what all you wanted to do with such people. BE THE DEVIL.
- Five, most important, don't get competitive with
other men. Come on guys, that person is as frustrated as you. Educate him the
above four point and help him come out his frustration. Compete with him if he
is of some other sexual orientation, coz these all points are designed for
STRAIGHT men. He doesn’t fall under this umbrella, so compete with him and WIN
(but if you don’t, go through this write up again and be happy, it’s ok to get
a defeat from such people, just don’t discuss it, keep it with yourself).
- Don't be jealous of men of your kind.... what if
a normal person like you is performing better, if he is having a good car, if
he is having a better salary, if he is getting an awesome hike all the time,
WELL ...
- Give our work to him as he performs better,
- Always come to office in his good car and let him pay the petrol fare as a fees of having a good car,
- Always take him with you on lunch, dinner, tea stalls, smoke zones and always pretend that you forgot your wallet or you forgot to withdraw money from ATM,
- Always force him to throw a party for his good hike and eat the most expensive food and drink the most expensive and exotic alcohol.
- Don't be jealous of men of your kind.... what if
a normal person like you is performing better, if he is having a good car, if
he is having a better salary, if he is getting an awesome hike all the time,
So breathe, chill, and relax. Tell yourself you
are a HUNK, do your best and deserve a peaceful life. Anybody trying to take
that away from you is making a mistake, not you. Your purpose of coming to this
earth is not to please everyone. Your purpose is to follow your own crazy way,
without hurting others, and have a good life in return. The next time I do a
survey like this, I don't want to see Indian men on top of the list. I want
them to be the happiest men in the world. Now smile, before your wife/GF/or any
other girl shouts at you for wasting your time reading this crap.
REMEMBER ...... You are not the ideal man, but
you can follow the above 5 points and live life KING SIZE :D
